Sunday, July 29, 2012

I am Other

Laying here in bed listening to my family live life. I get the occasional drive-in nursing from DD. Get to sniff a baby head. Even she is sick of Mama needing to sleep. She wants no part of this extended nap time.

I am working this weekend which means Friday I am up till BD arrives home then, nap till time to go. I am lucky. My babies have BD. They get a loving parent on the weekends when Mama works. Sleep deprivation is not as bad and work is less work when I get sleep. But oh the cost. My heart aches each time my LO comes in seeking my love and time and gets redirected with "mama needs to sleep," walking away quietly defeated. As the weekend progresses Ninja baby skills kick in and stealth drive by Mama visits occur. Mama see this & Mama I love you. In half sleep world I hear them. Baby girl wanting only milk now and then the arms of daddy for comfort, instead of sleep nursing. DS still trying. He tries to understand and comply. He will put his foot down when BD goes to work and insist on staying home with Mama Monday even though there is only a grouchy shell of me left for him. Work on Monday, then the fight on Tuesday to see if he wants to go to Mamoo's so I can sleep, a little. Last time, I just gave in and had him stay.

I won't MAKE him go. I cannot bring myself to force him away. I love them more than air. I am just one of those working Others.

Today I am..... Mother.

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